


Your hoodie

by wemightfall



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 02:32:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15329793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wemightfall/pseuds/wemightfall
Summary: Hank died. All Connor had left were memories and Hank’s hoodie.





	Your hoodie

Connor laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling.  
He wasn't sure how much time had passed, hadn’t once looked at his internal clock. Or on the one sitting on the bedside table, still clicking, endless, as if meant anything anymore. 

He couldn't help but think back to promises he had given Hank, promises he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep.

Connor wondered if Hank was still out there, somewhere else. If there was anything that would come after death, was a question even humans didn't seem to have an answer to. Everybody thought something different.  
But the thought that Hank was still out there somewhere, getting to live, never being truly gone, was something that Connor clung to like a lifeline. 

He himself had died once and there was nothing he could remember about it. Maybe it was different for humans. Maybe it was different for deviant androids.  
Hopes and realities often were a very different thing.  
Yet he couldn't help but hope, so foolishly human.

Hank would gruff something, about how he should get out of bed and stop crying. Connor had tried. But Hank wasn't here to say it, would never say anything to him again and the thought hurt too much, each time he tried to move.

The bed was soft under him and the bedsheets still smelled like Hank. As if any moment he’d come home again, lie next to him and hold him. Connor would have never let go if he had known the last time, would be indeed the last time.

He hadn't cried, not once. Everything felt numb, almost as if he were a machine again. But being a machine had never hurt this much.

He got a text message from Markus and after a quick glance he closed it. He didn't want to talk anyone. Didn't even care that Markus was worried. It didn't matter. 

Hank was dead, Hank was dead, dead. The thought echoed in his head and he felt his hands shaking. In this moment he wished nothing more, than being able to go back to being a machine. 

His minds kept replaying scenes of Hank and him together. Probably not the most healthiest thing, but he didn't care. He would never get to actually hear Hank’s voice again, this was the closest thing to it. A cheap imitation of reality.  
For a second he wondered if he could just stay in his thoughts forever, replaying over and over again, until he forgot that this wasn't reality.

He saw himself approaching Hank in the bar, saw him acting like, well - an a class asshole, as Hank would have put it. Despite that Connor smiled a little. Who would have thought they would come this far?  
He thought back to Hank hugging him after the revolution and how all he had wanted to do was to pull him closer. If he could do it all over again, he would. 

He looked back at Hank kissing him for the first time, his heartbeat way too fast, because he was so nervous. If Connor could do it all over again, he would tell him, he didn't have anything to worry about. Would tell Hank that he loved him way sooner than this. 

He heard Sumo bark outside of the bedroom door. Connor sighed but still managed to get up, somehow.  
He could understand now how the dog had helped Hank with his suicidal tendencies. It was at least one reason to keep going, to have someone that relied on him. But in the moment Connor doubted if that would really be enough.

He went outside and took Sumo for a walk. It was raining, drops of water falling onto the ground.  
Connor had never like rain. How fitting it was raining now.  
He could feel his clothes getting wet, clinging to his skin.

Connor got back inside with Sumo as soon as he could and got back into the bedroom. His clothes were soggy, so he took them off. 

He searched in the closet for a minute before taking out a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Both Hank’s.  
He had worn this particular hoodie many times before. Hank had loved seeing him in it and it felt so soft against his skin.  
It smelled like laundry detergent and only faintly of Hank.  
Connor let himself fall onto the bed again.

He remembered promises made to Hank, just like he remembered every touch, every kiss. It was too much.  
Hank would be sad. But he wouldn't hate him for it.

Or there would be nothing at all and neither of them would ever know. But there was this stupid human part of him, that couldn't help but hope for the first option. Couldn't help but hope he'd get to see Hank’s smile again. Hold his hand. Kiss him. Love him, for longer than they had the chance in this life.

Connor felt a little scared. Fear was one of his least favorite emotions, it made everything so much harder to do. But if it came to dying for good, maybe fear was something that was just natural.

He took a few deep breaths, that he didn't need, to try and calm himself down.  
It was the only option.  
The only thing he could do.

He hesitated only for a second, before he sent a text to Markus. Someone had to take care of Sumo at the very least.  
He hoped they’d see him again as well, in a few years, wherever they would be. 

Connor thought of Hank’s smile, his lips kissing him, his arms holding him as he did it. A smile was on his face, as he turned his skin off and took out his thirium pump.  
They would see each other soon, was his last thought. After that, everything went black.


End file.
